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crime

Unger & Thirst

BC to Decriminalize Up to 2.5 Grams of Borscht

June 7, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC As of July 1 this year, the government of British Columbia will decriminalize possession of up to 2.5 grams of cabbage borscht, so long as it’s for personal use. “Borscht is a health issue,” said […]

Unger Games

Novak Djokovic Deported to Southern Manitoba

January 16, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Controversial tennis star Novak Djokovic was given a one-way ticket out of Australia this week and has selected a dairy farm south of Winkler as “the only place I really feel at home.” […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Megamart to Become One Massive Shed Church

December 21, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After making absolutely zero effort to enforce provincial health restrictions, a local megamart has decided to transform the store into “one of them shed churches I heard so much about.” “We ain’t got […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Caught Using Genealogy Website to Cheat at Mennonite Game

November 12, 2021 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Timmy Plett, 34, of Landmark has been arrested by local RCMP this week after he was caught logging onto Mennonite genealogy website GRanDMA Online in an attempt to cheat at the Mennonite Game. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Illegal Margarine Lids

September 29, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona police raided Mrs. Friesen’s pantry this past week in what is believed to the West Reserve’s largest ever margarine lid bust. “I’m innocent!” screamed Mrs. Friesen as she was dragged out of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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