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crime

Unger & Thirst

Winnipeg Police Seize Mennonite Woman’s Basket of Chanterelles

May 21, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In an effort to crack down on mushrooms in the city, local police raided a North Kildonan home this week and seized Mrs. Driedger’s basket of wild chanterelles. “Oba, Harry and I had […]

The Daily Bonnet

Pick-Up-and-Walk Crew Followed Closely By Toss-Your-Cigarette-Butts-Out-the-Window Crew

May 7, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Every year, the community of Steinbach gathers together on a Saturday to pick up garbage and beautify the city. It’s called ‘Pick up and Walk’ and is quickly followed by an even more […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Suspected in $20 Million Golden Syrup Heist at Pearson Airport

April 20, 2023 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Close to $20 million worth of Rogers Golden Syrup and other valuables were stolen at Pearson Airport in Toronto this morning and police are already on the lookout for various Friesens, Reimer, and […]

Unger & Thirst

Pigeon With Backpack Full of Knackzoat Caught at BC Prison

January 10, 2023 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Abbotsford Correctional Services are investigating after a pigeon with a backpack full of delicious dill pickle-flavoured sunflower seeds with found at the Fraser Valley MB Prison this week. “It appears that someone on […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Tell if Your Christmas Tree is Illegal

December 20, 2022 Andrew

Oba, so these days even in Schteinback you have to know where your tree is coming from once yet such. You just can’t trust anyone who says, “Oba, yo, I’ve got a tree for you […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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