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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Nylons Now Come in Three New Shades of Brown

April 29, 2018 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Mennonite ladies across Southern Manitoba were excited to discover all the new shades of brown being offered by their local nylon stocking supplier. In addition to the classic chestnut brown, Mennonite nylons now […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Fans Ruin Winnipeg Jets Whiteout By Wearing All Black Suits

April 12, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Apparently unaware of the long-standing playoff tradition of wearing white, local Old Order Mennonite Peter Friesen decided to wear his very best black suit to Vanapag Yats game this week. “Vell, I vanted […]

Unger Suspicion

Here’s Your Winnipeg Weather Forecast for the Next Few Months

April 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB It looks like an extended winter this year in Winnipeg. Daily Bonnet meteorologists have examined the evidence and are officially predicting whiteout conditions well into June. “No early spring this year,” said Daily […]

Unger Suspicion

Jets Fans Toss Amish Hats onto the Ice to Celebrate Patrik Laine’s Hat Trick

March 7, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There were more than a few Winnipeg Jets fans at Madison Square Gardens last night to witness the young Finnish superstar, and wanna-Anabaptist, Patrik Laine score three goals against the lowly Rangers. […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Makes Official Visit to Mennonite Church Wearing Rubber Boots and Suspenders

March 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Prime Minister Justin Trudeau brought along an entourage of more than three hundred people to the small Mennonite town of Altona, Manitoba this past week and out of respect for the local culture, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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