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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandpa Now Charging $8 for Five Minute Piggyback Ride

February 9, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The entrepreneurial spirit of Mennonites will never die it seems, as Mr. Sawatzky of Winkler is now charging eight bucks a ride for a trip around the church lobby and back. “Your back […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Sings the Wrong Version of ‘Away in a Manger’

December 22, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A fight broke out during an Epp gathering in the church basement this week after Grandma Epp insisted on singing the wrong version of ‘Away in a Manger.’ “Diewel, that woman. She just […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Child Prays, Followed Quickly By “Real Prayer” From Adult

November 1, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Little Michael Burkholder begged Grandma and Grandpa to say the prayer before consuming the roast beef and horseradish this past Sunday. The 5-year-old was obliged in his request, although all the adults said […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Teens Excommunicated for Not ‘Following Back’ the Youth Pastor

August 29, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Seven Mennonite teens have been excommunicated from their church this week after failing to follow back the youth pastor on Instagram. “Here I am trying to build up a decent list and these […]

Unger Suspicion

Long Lost C.S. Lewis Book Discovered: The Loewen, the Witch and the Wardrobe

July 21, 2019 Andrew

OXFORD, UK The publishing world has been in a feeding frenzy as of late, after a long lost C.S. Lewis manuscript was discovered in an attic in Oxford. The manuscript, in Lewis’ own hand, is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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