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The Daily Bonnet

40-Year-Old Mennonite Man Still Called “Junge”

August 13, 2020 Andrew

GRETNA, MB A local real estate attorney, who just turned 40 this week, is still called “junge” by all the elderly Mennonites at his church, likely due to the fact he’s unmarried and keeps his […]

Unger & Thirst

Full Grown Man Still Eats Sugary Children’s Cereal

July 10, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Despite the protests of his loving wife Doris, Mr. Eby, 43, of Waterloo downs three bowls of sugary children’s cereal every morning at breakfast. “Count Chocula! Froot Loops! Lucky Charms! You name it, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner Kids Have Been Watching Nothing But ‘Frozen 2’ All Day Every Day for the Past Two Weeks

March 30, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Seemingly unable to watch anything else at all these days, the Penner kids of Hillsboro have had Frozen 2 up on the flatscreen Samsung for the past two weeks straight. “Ugh, they’re not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ten Person Maximum Puts Mennonite Families in Quite the Predicament

March 28, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB The Pletts have voted and it seems as if Dad is going to have to quarantine himself in the shed out back so as to adhere to the new ten-person guidelines. “We […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandpa Now Charging $8 for Five Minute Piggyback Ride

February 9, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The entrepreneurial spirit of Mennonites will never die it seems, as Mr. Sawatzky of Winkler is now charging eight bucks a ride for a trip around the church lobby and back. “Your back […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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