EAST VILLAGE, MB
“Oba, stuff shouldn’t cost so much yet.”
So said a local councillor at last night’s city council meeting. In reaction to the utterly startling revelation that “things actually cost money,” a small faction on the council have asked the city to approve a budget of $0 for 2017.
“Zero taxes means zero revenue, which means zero facilities and zero services,” said the councillor. “Sounds good to me. I’m all for zero. It’s a nice round number.”
Despite overwhelming public support for spending money on stuff, the Austerity Gang, as they’re cheerfully calling themselves, seek to reduce government to it’s bare minimum of doing absolutely nothing.
“We can’t decide what the tax money should be spent on. No matter what you propose, there will be someone who opposes it,” said the Austerity Gang rep. “Spend it on new roads and the walkers will complain. Spend it on arts and culture and grumpy old men will complain. Spend it on sports facilities and the unathletic will complain. We can never get 100% agreement. Therefore, since we can’t agree, I think it’s better if we just shut down the whole thing and call it a day…of course, I still want to keep my council seat, though.”
Fortunately for residents, the budget of $0 was voted down by the council majority.
“The fact that things cost money shouldn’t surprise anyone,” said one councillor who voted against the zero-dollar budget. “Our job is to make East Village a better place to live. And that’s not free. Believe it or not, it does actually cost some money.”
Upon hearing the approval of an actual budget with actual money, outraged residents who only read the news headline and didn’t actually investigate any of the details themselves quickly commented with disgust on Facebook.