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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Launches New Line of $99 NFT Trading Cards

December 26, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC When Pastor Randy hinted at a ‘major announcement’ this upcoming Sunday, everyone thought it was going to be either a resignation or pregnancy, but instead Pastor Randy unveiled an amazing new series of […]

Unger Games

World Junior Uno Tournament Cancelled

December 29, 2021 Andrew

RED DEER, AB After a surge in paper cuts and Hawkins Cheezies-coated fingers at the tournament in the MB church youth room in Red Deer this winter, the International Uno Federation has decided to cancel […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couples Caught in Rook Partner Swapping Scandal

May 13, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Two couples at a small conservative Mennonite church in Fresno were caught swapping partners during a Rook game, and face an excommunication trial this week. “Oh, the scandal! They’ve brought shame on us […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Raid Mennonite Gambling Den, Seize Hundreds of Rook Cards

January 29, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS Wichita police stormed a notorious local gambling den this week, arresting more than two dozen Mennonites and seizing countless decks of Rook cards. The raid is the largest bust of Mennonite gamblers since […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dutch Blitz Players Now Required to Wear Full Body Armour

June 13, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA The Pennsylvania Supreme Court has recently ruled that all Dutch Blitz players in the region must sport full body armour from now on. “This is for your own good. It’s for your own protection,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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