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The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Realtor Invites Nosy Mennonites to Wander Around the Friesen’s House

July 11, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Dozens of Mennonite couples showed up at the Friesen home this past Sunday between 2:00 and 4:00 pm even though they had absolutely no intention of buying the place. “We were just there […]

Unger Suspicion

School’s Out! Back-to-School Shopping Begins!

June 30, 2018 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Just seconds after Calgary students were released for summer vacation, advertisers began pestering their parents to begin their back-to-school shopping. “Pencils, binders, backpacks, and all the latest fashions. We’ve got it all,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Horse-and-Buggy Dealership Opens in ‘Automobile City’

June 10, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was a time when Steinbach was so conservative that springs in the carriage seat were considered worldly and the railway was moved 8 miles out of town so the sinners couldn’t get […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Government Spends $4.5 Billion on Old Useless Crap From Mrs. Penner’s Garage Sale

June 1, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government announced Tuesday that it would be spending more than four billion dollars of taxpayer money on purchasing “whatever useless crap those Mennonites have for sale at their garage sales this […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘State of Emergency’ Declared at Steinbach Garage Sale Riot

May 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Prime Minister Trudeau has followed in his father’s footsteps and invoked the War Measures Act to deal with the increasing hostility during garage sales in the small Mennonite town of Steinbach, Manitoba. In […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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