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Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Meets His Buddies at the Pub for a Few Pints

August 17, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Heinrichs had a tough week and decided to ask his buddies Abe and Corny to go for a few pints at the local pub. Abe and Corny quickly agreed and so the […]

Unger Suspicion

American Tourist ‘Totally Wasted’ For the Rest of the Trip After Just One German Beer

July 19, 2019 Andrew

MUNICH, GERMANY Light beer enthusiast Mr. Johan Yoder of Lancaster decided to take a trip to Germany with his friends this summer. Yoder soon discovered, however, that his beer drinking skills were not up to […]

Unger & Thirst

Craft Beer Snob Ruins Church Men’s Fishing Weekend By Bringing Nothing But Really Bitter IPAs

June 28, 2019 Andrew

LAKE OF THE WOODS, MN After the disaster this past weekend, the church men of Mountain Lake, Minnesota will no longer invite 25-year-old college student and pastor’s son Dylan on their fishing trips. The group […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Finally Returns His Empties

April 20, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After accumulating ten years worth of empties in his unfinished basement, local man Carl Toews, finally decided it was time to return them and get his 5 cent per bottle deposit. “Most Mennonites […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Buys a Round of Tap Water for the Whole Bar

March 11, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Allan Hostetler, 29, of Lancaster was feeling particularly generous at the bar last night and decided he’d order a round of tap water for the entire bar. “There were about thirty or forty […]

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