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alcohol

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Store Strike Leaves Mennonites Without Any Place to Judge Each Other

July 29, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As workers at Manitoba liquor stores have been on strike this week, thousands of Mennonites have been left without any place to cast sidelong glances and whisper disparaging remarks about their friends and […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man to Start Drinking Bud Light Just So He Has Something to Boycott

April 7, 2023 Andrew

SCHANZENBERG, MB After Bud Light apparently went “woke” this week, conservative country singers are urging folks to join them in a boycott of the brewing company. This came as a great disappointment for Mr. Dave […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Gives Up Rogers Golden Syrup During Dry January

January 12, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After pressure from his wife Annie to make a few changes, Mr. Herman Groening, 71, of Winkler has decided to abstain from Rogers Golden Syrup for the entire month of January. “I heard […]

Unger & Thirst

Hungover Mennonite Woman Insists “It’s Only Covid”

June 22, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Eleanor Driedger, 61, of Saskatoon had a little too much to drink at the lady’s Bible study and wine event last night, but refused to admit she’d come down with a hangover this […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman to Continue Wearing Mask in Liquor Store

March 15, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Even though provincial guidelines no longer require it, Mrs. Jessica Peters, 31, of Winnipeg plans to continue sporting her N95 at liquor stores across the province. “I’ve gotta be protected,” said Peters, ” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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