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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Charged With Adding an ‘S’ to the End of Every Word

May 9, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Longtime Steinbach resident Peter Fehr, 76, has been arrested and charged with excessive ‘S’ usage after undercover police overhead him referring to the neighbouring town of Ste-Anne, Manitoba as ‘Ste-Annes’ on numerous occasions. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Apple Introduces New Siri Voice with Mennonite Accent

January 15, 2018 Andrew

CUPERTINO, CA Recent changes to Apple’s Siri and Maps mean that Mennonites across the Americas will have the chance to receive directions to the nearest Chicken Chef in a comforting Plautdietsch accent. Starting January 15, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Storms Out of Jazz Club, Claiming “Far Too Much Sax”

November 16, 2017 Andrew

YARROW, BC Local man Peter Harder, 67, was so disgusted with a jazz performance in Vancouver this weekend that he stood up right in the middle of ‘St. Thomas’ and stormed out in a huff. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Vocabulary Reduced to ‘Once’, ‘Yet’, and ‘Such’

August 5, 2017 Andrew

YARROW, BC There was a time when George Baerg’s vocabulary stretched to more than thirty words and an occasional ethusiastic ‘oba!’ These days, however, Mr. Baerg, now retired and extra grumpy, has settled on ‘once’, ‘yet’, and […]

Unger & Thirst

Pepsi-Cola to Rebrand in Mennonite Country

August 1, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Due to slumping sales, Pepsi-Cola is undergoing a name and logo change in certain markets such as the Pembina Valley, Fraser Valley, Chihuahua and the Paraguayan Chaco. The cola will now officially be known […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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