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abbotsford

The Daily Bonnet

Uncouth Manitoban Carries Umbrella with Him All Over Abbotsford

October 11, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Manitoba man Colin Hiebert stood out like a sore thumb on his recent trip to Abbotsford as he hauled his umbrella all over town, while the hearty locals were more than tolerant of […]

Unger & Thirst

Abbotsford Man Subsists Entirely on Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup

September 5, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC For more than 17 years, local man Earl Penner has eaten nothing but Rempel’s Farmer Sausage Soup at Ricky’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. “Ever since my Martha passed away, I’ve been coming here […]

The Daily Bonnet

Family Sells Modest Bungalow in Abbotsford to Live Like Kings in Winnipeg

September 4, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Janzens have just sold their modest 1100 sq. foot bungalow in Abbotsford and are using the funds to live like kings the rest of their lives in Winnipeg. “Even when you factor […]

Unger Suspicion

Fraser Valley Renamed ‘Frasier Valley’ After Kelsey Grammer Visit

July 20, 2022 Andrew

GREENDALE, BC A recent visit to the region by 90s sitcom star Kelsey Grammer has caused such a stir that locals have petitioned authorities to rename the area ‘Frasier Valley.’ “We’ve never had such a […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Man Survives Encounter with Out-of-Province Farmer Sausage

July 12, 2022 Andrew

YARROW, BC Timmy Wiebe of Reinland, Manitoba ventured out to Abbotsford this week and quickly became the first Manitoban ever to dare to try BC farmer sausage. “BC farmer sausage? It doesn’t give such,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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