Queen Victoria to Tour Southeast Manitoba on Monday


Ecstatic monarchists across the Southeast region are lining the streets in anticipation of Queen Victoria’s visit. Her Majesty, now nearly 200, is rumoured to arrive in Manitoba early Monday morning and will make stops in Grunthal, Richer, Ste. Anne, and Pansy.

“I’m over the moon,” said Brenda Vogt, 53, of Grunthal. “This is the woman who first allowed our people to come to this country in the 1870s and to think that now she’ll be in my town, well, I’m just thrilled.”

Residents have been purchasing vast quantities of sunflower seeds and are setting up lawn chairs along Main Street in anticipation of the royal parade.

“I was pretty young when Queen Elizabeth visited Steinbach in 1970,” said Vogt, “but now I’ll get to meet her great-great-grandmother. It’s unbelievable!”

The confusion seems to have started when church deacon Leonard Loewen posted a comment on Facebook about his new vehicle purchase.

“Crown Victoria, not Queen Victoria,” clarified Loewen. “You have to be careful what you say around here.”

Local Satirist Spends Hours Indoors Writing Articles on First Warm May Long Weekend in Decades
Donald Trump Proposes Gigantic Wall to Keep Out the Mennonites