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Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Beaches to Open This Weekend After Temperatures Soar to -15!

February 13, 2019 Andrew

LAKE WINNIPEG, MB Manitobans have been sporting swimwear this entire week after temperatures reached daytime highs of -15 degrees celsius. The temperatures are so unseasonably warm that beaches will be opening early this year. “It’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Study Links All Friesens to One Guy A Long Time Ago in Henderson, Nebraska

February 12, 2019 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE A new study out of University of Eastern Nebraska has traced all current Friesens to one Nebraska farmer sometime in the 1870s. “Jakob F. Friesen was his name – the first Friesen ever,” […]

Unger & Thirst

“But I Didn’t Inhale”: Mennonite Politician Confesses to Consuming Borscht

February 11, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a recent television interview, Canadian MP Lina Klippenstein confessed to consuming large quantities of komst borscht during her “wild college days.” “I’m not going to lie to you,” said Klippenstein. “It was […]

Unger & Thirst

Winnipeg Woman Enters Rehab With Honey Dill Sauce Addiction

February 10, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Lois Goerzen has been checked into a local rehab facility following a week-long binge on honey dill sauce. “We’ve been concerned for a while, but last week was the final straw,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Seminary Student Can’t Figure Out All This German

February 9, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Future Mennonite pastor Dave Unger, a student at the Winkler Anabaptist Seminary, is having real trouble in his New Testament class, especially after students were required to read the text in its original […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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