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The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Man Insists on Placing Lawn Chair in Front Yard

June 17, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Jakob Kornelsen, 43, thought it was a fabulously grand idea to put his brand new cheap ass lawn chair in the front yard where he could watch the neighbours. “I knack […]

Unger & Thirst

Generous Mennonite Family Treats Dad to an Order of Mozza Sticks

June 16, 2019 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON The generous Weaver family of Waterloo treated their beloved Dad to a delicious order of Applebee’s mozza sticks and marinara sauce this Sunday. “These mozza sticks represent all that you mean to us, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Choking Mennonite Man Saved by the Heinrichs Maneuver

June 15, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Local man, Mr. Wiebe fe’schuckled himself on a watermelon seed at the church picnic this weekend, but thanks to some quick thinking by one of the Heinrichs boys, he was saved. “I […]

Unger Games

Toronto Reaches Trade Deal with St. Louis to Swap Trophies

June 14, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After stiff negotiations, the City of Toronto has reached a trade deal with the City of St. Louis to trade their NBA Championship Trophy for a Stanley Cup. “Of course, St. Louis doesn’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

There’s No Reimer Friesen for Mennonite Man’s Actions

June 13, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mr. Dueck was behaving very strangely during faspa on Sunday afternoon. His behaviour was so unusual, in fact, that other guests said there was absolutely no Reimer Friesen for it. “I get it, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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