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The Daily Bonnet

Missing Comma Causes Serious Concern for Mennonite Grandma

April 10, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Oma Kehler of Winkler was very concerned for her safety after receiving a text from her grandchild Andy that said, “Lets eat Oma.” “Oba, nay!” exclaimed Grandma Kehler. “Eating Oma? Just what will […]

Unger & Thirst

A Glossary of Mennonite Food

April 9, 2021 Andrew

Ever wondered waut de hunt is komst borscht or plumi moos? Well, you can wonder no more, because the Daily Bonnet has created this handy dictionary of popular Russian Mennonite dishes. Now you can go […]

Unger Conviction

Breaking! Pastor Dan’s Been Getting All His Insights from the Footnotes in His ‘Ryrie Study Bible’

April 8, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Drone footage hovering above the pulpit this week has revealed that Pastor Dan’s been getting all this spiritual insights from the footnotes in his Ryrie Study Bible. “I feel we’ve been duped. From […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Knackzoat Reservations Surge on Opening Day

April 7, 2021 Andrew

BIRDS HILL, MB On opening day of knackzoat reservations, millions of Manitoba Mennonites rushed to be first to reserve their sunflower seed spitting spot for summer 2021. “We had a great spot at Birds Hill […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Quits Bitcoin and Puts All His Money into Sheets of Plywood

April 6, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Having almost doubled his money with Bitcoin over the past year, amateur investor Allan Driedger, 41, of Saskatoon is planning to throw it all in the hottest market around: sheets of plywood. “My […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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