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Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pants Pastor Caught Wearing Pants

December 23, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The leader of southern Manitoba’s largest anti-pants cult was spotted at the Winnipeg airport this week wearing a freshly-pressed pair of men’s slacks. “Well, unfortunately they don’t let you board the plane in […]

Unger Suspicion

Tim Hortons Collaborates with Gordon Lightfoot for New ‘Gordon Bits’

December 22, 2021 Andrew

HAMILTON, ON Fresh off the heals of their Justin Bieber collaboration, donut manufacturer Tim Hortons has decided to make sweet tasty balls with the second most legendary Canadian musician they could find, Gordon Lightfoot. “I […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Megamart to Become One Massive Shed Church

December 21, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After making absolutely zero effort to enforce provincial health restrictions, a local megamart has decided to transform the store into “one of them shed churches I heard so much about.” “We ain’t got […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Prefers to be Three Hours Early Rather than Three Minutes Late

December 20, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The Schellenbergs of Landmark set off on a journey to Altona this weekend to visit the Wiebes and naturally they decided to be a full three hours early. “It’s an hour’s drive and we […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Wears Face Mask Just to Keep Warm

December 19, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Local woman Rachel Driedger, 23, doesn’t bother to take her face mask off, even when she’s outdoors, not with temperatures dropping to -20 this week. “It’s better than a scarf,” says Driedger. “I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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