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Unger Suspicion

James Reimer Declines to Wear ‘Violent’ San Jose Sharks Jersey

March 19, 2023 Andrew

SAN JOSE, CA Saying that the violent imagery goes against his religion, San Jose Sharks goalie James Reimer has declined to wear the team’s jersey. “It’s something that has weighed heavily on my conscience ever […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Refuses to Watch ‘Women Talking’ but Really Loves ‘12 Angry Men’

March 18, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local film buff, Abe B. Dyck, 68, says he has absolutely no interest in watching a film called Women Talking, saying he usually spends his weekends rewatching 12 Angry Men over and over. […]

Unger Suspicion

“Road Conditions” Keep Winnipeggers from Leaving the City to Visit the Relatives

March 17, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Icy roads were just the latest in a long series of reasons why the Pletts of North Kildonan will not be visiting their frintschoft in Altona this weekend. “Here we are trying to […]

Unger Suspicion

Oscar Red Carpet Replaced with Mennonite Quilt

March 16, 2023 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Things were a little different at the 95th annual Academy Awards this year, as the signature red carpet was replaced with a massive Mennonite quilt made by the quilting bee ladies at the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Wonders: How Many Mennonites Does it Take to Change a Purple Lightbulb?

March 15, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After thousands of LED streetlights have appeared rather lavender in recent months, many locals are wondering just how many Mennonites it takes to change a purple lightbulb. “We’ve had to completely rethink the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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