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The Daily Bonnet

Shutdown of Pipeline Affects Delivery of Schmaunt Fat Between Gretna and Winnipeg

May 28, 2024 Andrew

GRETNA, MB For the past three months, Winnipegers have been starved for lack of schmaunt fat due to a pipeline shutdown with the supply centre in Gretna. “We’ve got the students at MCI working around […]

Unger Suspicion

Severe Turbulence on Winnipeg Streets Leaves Dozens Injured

May 27, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Al Wiens, 41, had to warn his children in the backseat to brace themselves as they drove down a residential street on the way to church this weekend. “Turns out, it was pretty […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandfather Shocked to Discover He’s Actually Greek

May 25, 2024 Andrew

MENNVILLE, MB Area man Walter Dyck, 81, of Mennville took a trip into Winnipeg this week and was shocked to discover the word Opa! plastered all over the city’s Greek restaurants. “As soon as I […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Creates Her Own Rhubarb-Flavoured Bubly

May 24, 2024 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Disappointed with the lack of rhubarb-flavoured options, diehard Bubly-drinker Evelen Sawatzky of Mitchell, Manitoba has taken matters into her own hands. “Basically I just gather all the run-off water after I’m done washing […]

Unger the Influence

City of Morden Ceases to Exist After Being Lumped Into Winkler Metro Area

May 23, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB The City of Morden is no more after being absorbed into the City of Winkler’s census agglomeration according to Statistics Canada. “They’re not even calling it Morden-Winkler or Winkler-Morden,” said Morden resident Arthur […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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