Black Bumper Mennonite Develops Severe Chrome Fetish


According to his psychologist, it was sometime after an accident with an SUV that scuffed the black paint off his bumper, when area man Benjamin Horning developed his abnormal obsession with chrome.

“Deprived of shiny surfaces for so long, chrome became an object of desire for my patient,” said Dr. Peterson of Lancaster. “Once he found out it existed, he could no longer obtain pleasure of any sort unless he was in contact with chrome.”

Peterson says fetishes of this sort are totally normal for Mennonites, who might develop an excessive fondness for anything they are deprived of such as fashionable clothing, the tops of women’s heads, and Mixed Martial Arts.

“Mr. Horning was brought to our attention after he was caught weirdly caressing the chrome bumper of a local city councillor,” said Dr. Peterson. “He’s now safe in a padded room without any shiny objects where we hope to be able to return him to a normal level of chrome appreciation.”

Peterson says his institution had to increase security after a large silent Mennonite man, who had developed an obsession with contemporary music, hoisted a fountain through the window in an attempt to escape.

'Presumptuous' Mennonite Man Brings His Own Bible to Church
Vote Now To Determine Which Side is Jantsied!