New Improved Horse Gets Up to 60 Miles Per Carrot


The folks at Hershberger Horses and More have been working hard over the past few centuries to improve carrot-efficiency in local horses and the results have finally paid off. With regular maintenance, their new improved horse can now record up to sixty miles per carrot.

“All the other horses are doing like 20 to 30 MPC, but we’ve really blown them out of the water with this one and got 60 MPC,” explained Mr. Hershberger. “I really think this new carrot-efficient horse is a game-changer for the local Mennonite population.”

Mennonites in the area are always looking to reduce carrot usage, increase production and “go green” if they can.

“Just think of all the carrots we’re saving with these new horses,” says Hershberger. “Every mile we plow, we’re preventing an acre of rain forest from being bulldozed to build more carrot fields.”

While the new horses are considerably more carrot-efficient, they still haven’t managed to improve torque or horsepower, which is steady at just one.

“Our new horses have all the bells and whistles. I mean, Ginger over here has even got Bluetooth,” explained Hershberger. “And there’s a DVD player in the back to entertain the kids.”

Hershberger Horses and More are also working on ways of improving cows to moo less and not tip over so easily while sleeping.

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