Music Fans Celebrate as Ticketmaster Earns Zero Dollars this Month


With concerts being cancelled around the globe, the one silver lining for music lovers this year has been the fact that the gougers at Ticketmaster didn’t earn a single penny in recent months.

“I hate to miss the Herb Alpert concert, but at least Ticketmaster didn’t get any of my money,” said music fan Darren Giesbrecht of St. Adolphe. “Those dirty rotten scoundrels have been adding ten bucks to every concert ticket I’ve ever bought for decades!”

Giesbrecht is especially excited not to have to pay the five bucks extra just to print off his own ticket from home.

“It’s too bad I can’t go to any metal and/or easy listening shows in the foreseeable future,” said Giesbrecht, “but at least I won’t be propping up those weasels at Ticketmaster anymore.”

While many people have tuned in to hear their favourite acts perform live shows from their own living rooms, the biggest online event of the season was the live Zoom meeting where millions of music lovers gathered to watch Ticketmaster executives pull their hair out and cry in their soup.

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