Mennonite Woman to Go Around Naked Now that Reitman’s is Closed


Area woman Agatha Martens, 73, is concerned she’ll be left with absolutely nothing to wear now that Reitman’s is closing. Martens relied so heavily on purchasing her floral blouses and navy blue slacks at Reitman’s that she worries she’ll have to go around naked once her current stockpile of Reitman’s clothing is depleted.

Jauma, what ever will I do?” wondered Martens, who was absolutely beside herself with grief over the news. “Without Reitman’s I’ll have no place to get my fuzzy cozy socks and costume jewellery.”

Martens says her slacks and blouses still have a good six months or so to go, but then she’ll just have to move to the nudist colony.

“Or hope that the good folks at Stony Creek Manor don’t mind a little bit of nudity in the hallways,” said Martens. “Without Reitman’s, all the Mennonite women in this town are destined to wear rags … or even less.”

Martens says she’s really hoping it doesn’t come to that, but is afraid she’ll have no choice.

“It’s Reitman’s or bust, I’m afraid,” she said. “Unless, of course, a Northern Reflections store opens in its spot.”

Rumour has is it the Reitman’s closure was instigated by Agatha’s husband Harry, who is hoping to see Agatha in the buff for the first time in several decades.

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