The security line at the Langham International Airport was around the block this weekend after the federal government passed a new law requiring all Mennonites to dispose of their roll kuchen and syrup before boarding.
“Plus, they’re not even letting us board with a half-eaten watermelon,” said a visibly upset Lorna Kliewer. “If this is how it’s going to be at the airport, I think I’ll just go to Abbotsford in the back of Mr. Dueck’s Dodge Ram, thank you very much.”
The new law created chaos and long lines at the Langham airport, which is already understaffed due to the fact they pay everyone in used tea bags and expired gift cards to Applebees.
“You should have seen those Mennos scramble to fit all that roll kuchen in the carry-on luggage,” said Langham airport CEO Bob Plett. “I feel bad for them, but the rules are rules. We simply can’t fave fried bits of dough and sweet syrup on the plane. These Mennos will have to make do with the 5 complementary peanuts and half a can of Papsi the airlines generously provide.”
By the end of the first day the airport had amassed a total of more than 6 tonnes of roll kuchen, though some are wondering just what happens to all the confiscated items.
“Let’s just say the Langham Mennonite Church is going to have one heck of a faspa this Sunday,” said Plett. “Now if only they could start seizing farmer sausage …”
Rumour has it a cargo plane full of roll kuchen is also heading towards Aylmer, Ontario where it will be dropped like manna from Heaven onto unsuspecting Mennonites.