Mennonite Pastors Release New ‘Tracing App’ that Tracks How Much Time You’ve Spent Reading the Bible


Concerned pastors in the Abbotsford area have hired a local tech firm to create an app that traces how much contact each member of their congregation has had with the Word of God. While some critics have said the new ‘tracing app’ may be a violation of privacy, others have welcomed the accountability.

“We get a report on every member of the church. How many verses they’ve read, whether they’re taking their time or just skimming, how much time they’ve spent in Leviticus–that kind of thing,” said Pastor Ron. “This is exactly the sort of information that pastors needs to make sure we don’t have another spiritual health crisis.”

A recent test run revealed that Mrs. Klassen read the entire Book of Jeremiah and parts of Lamentations this week, while Mr. Thiessen barely made his way past the first couple verses of Habbakuk.

“The app also tracks whether you’ve driven within a mile of the liquor store or whether you’ve paged through the undergarment section of your Eaton’s catalogue,” said Pastor Ron. “This tracing app is incredible. I wish us Mennonite pastors had this app a long time ago!”

Some Mennonites have said they won’t download the app and are worried it may be a violation of their privacy.

“I grew up in a household with fifteen children, three goats and a milking cow,” said Mr. Janzen. “And none of the doors had locks! So I know what it’s like to live without privacy!”

For those who don’t have cell phones, a church elder will be assigned to come over to your house while you’re still in your pyjamas and look over your shoulder as you do your devotions.

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