KITCHENER, ON
Puffy and bloated from years of Mennonite cooking, Mr. Lehman of Kitchener exploded like a balloon after a five minute acupuncture session in Kitchener this week.
“It was quite the mess,” said acupuncturist Mrs. Wong. “I’ve learned my lesson. From now on I’m not taking on any Mennonite client. It’s just too risky.”
Bits and pieces of Mr. Lehman were found all over the office, along with chunks of sausage and shoofly pie.
“This is exactly why I’ve warned my congregation against worldly pursuits like acupuncture,” said Reverend Yoder. “Look what happens! It’s the same reason I forbid by parishioners from playing pool or darts.”
A funeral for Mr. Lehman will be held this week, although the date has yet to be determined as he’s still be scraped off the ceiling at the acupuncture office.
“We’re hoping to have most of him ready to go for the weekend,” said Mrs. Wong. “The heating registers are going to be hard to clean, but I’m determined to return the entirety of Mr. Lehman to his family.”
In other news, the Kitchener Mennonite Church women’s ministry are eager to treat their husbands to acupuncture sessions sometime this fall.
