Mennonite CPAP Machine Provides Continuous Flow of Schmaunt Fat


Cardiologists in the small town of Herbert, Saskatchewan are testing out a new CPAP machine that would provide Mennonites with a continuous flow of schmaunt fat while they sleep. Local man Dale Broesky has struggled with lack of schmaunt fat during sleep and feels this machine may be just the thing he needs.

“My doctors say there are times during the night when I’m not getting any schmaunt fat at all,” said Broesky. “It’s really quite serious. I often wake up tired and schmaunt fat deprived. That’s why this machine is so important.”

At the Herbert Medical Clinic, Broesky was supplied with more than 50 gallons of schmaunt fat during an 8 hour test-run. Doctors are really excited about this new technology.

“A lot of people think you only need schmaunt fat during the waking hours, but that’s simply not true,” said Dr. Unger. “Mennonites who struggle with lack of schmaunt fat should seriously consider getting one of these CPAP machines. It takes some getting used to at first, but most patients find it quite soothing after a while.”

The machine is already being covered by the Saskatchewan provincial health care plan.

“I want to leave a legacy to all those Mennonites out there,” said outgoing Premier Brad Wall. “As a Mennonite myself, I know how vital schmaunt fat is to our very survival. I’ve already taken the machine for  a test drive and let me tell you, it was the best sleep of my life! Once you try it, everyone’s gonna want one!”

The Menno CPAP machine is available with a doctor’s prescription at fine church lobbies near you.

(photo credit: Larry and Teddy Page/CC)

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