Conservatives Run Actual Donkey in Mennonite Town, Still Confident of Victory


So confident in the partisan loyalty of Mennonite voters, the Conservative Party of Canada ran a literal donkey in the small Mennonite town of Kleineschantzenfeld and still expect to win 87% of the vote.

“His name is Chester and he’s an American Mammoth jack,” said local veterinarian and scrutineer Mr. Wiebe, softly stroking Chester’s nose. “He can be a little stubborn at times, but I love him just the same.”

Chester is fed a diet of barley straw and hay, but on special occasions, Mr. Wiebe mixes in a few sugar beets, which he says are Chester’s favourites.

“Chester’s running on a pro-sugar beet and anti-canine platform,” said Mr. Wiebe. “You should have heard him in the debates. He was hee-hawing so loud you could hardly hear the Liberal candidate.”

Undeterred by Chester’s apparent equine status, polls suggest that locals intend to vote for him anyway.

“Quite frankly, I didn’t even notice he was a donkey,” said Mr. Reimer. “He was listed as a Wiebe and his colour was blue. What more do I need to know?”

Parliamentary historians suggest this is far from the first time a jackass is being sent to the House of Commons.

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