Local Grocery Store Opens New ‘Mennonite Aisle’


Desperate to capitalize on the growing Mennonite market, the local Thrift-and-Save Grocery Barn has decided to open up an aisle dedicated to things that Mennonites tend to purchase such as sausage, German Bibles, hymn books, and fake wine.

“Finally a one-stop aisle dedicated to us Mennonites,” said Johan Showalter of the small Mennonite town of Lyndhurst. “It’s never been more convenient to buy hymn books and sausages in the same place!”

Local Mennonites are excited about not having to go all the way across the store to get their supplies.

“It’s about time someone put the German Bibles next to the near beer,” said Showalter. “They go together like two peas in a pod.”

The aisle also features jars of blackstrap molasses and hardcover copies of Martyrs Mirror.

“Plus they named it Aisle 606,” said Showalter. “With a name like that, I’ll have no trouble remembering where to go!”

The aisle attracted considerable attention from the 65+ crowd, but all the young Mennos were still crowding the Pepsi and Doritos aisle like usual.

(photo credit: Random Retail/CC/modified)

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