People Keep Assuming Kansas Friesens are Secretly Canadian


The Friesens of Kansas have an announcement to make: “We’re not Canadians!”

“Any time I go anywhere people assume I’m from Manitoba,” said Mr. Friesen. “Gosh, you know not all the Friesens left Russia for yet another frozen wasteland. Some of us are fragile and chose more southerly climes.”

In addition to the surname, part of the problem seems to stem from the fact they’re just so darn polite.

“That has nothing to do with being Canadian,” said Mr. Friesen. “That’s just my strict Mennonite upbringing.”

The Friesens of Kansas are meeting in the small town of Meade this week to discuss what they can do to spread the word that they exist.

“We’ve already come up with a logo: Friesens: Not Just in Schteinback Anymore,” said Mr. Friesen. “We’re going to put it up on billboards along major thoroughfares across the continent. We’ve got to get the word out somehow and Lord knows us Kansas Friesens can’t figure out this Internet thing.”

An equally mischaracterized group of Kansas Penners is facing a similar dilemma and will be meeting this week to discuss either mass migration to Manitoba or a Dutch Blitz battle to determine who can rightfully claim the Penner name.

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