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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Disaster Volunteers Brought in to Fix Ticketmaster

November 28, 2022 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ After the Taylor Swift presale crashed the Ticketmaster website this week, Mennonite disaster volunteers have been flown to Ticketmaster headquarters to fix the problem. “I must say, we’ve never responded to a disaster […]

Unger Suspicion

Two Canadians Bump Into Each Other, Both Say “I’m Sorry”

November 25, 2022 Andrew

HAMILTON, ON On a busy Hamilton street this afternoon, two Canadian were texting as they walked and slammed right into one another, both loudly proclaiming that they were “sorry, buddy.” “This is impossible. It had […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Woman’s Passport Expires Before It Even Arrives

November 24, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Area woman Mavis Eby, 61, just received her passport in the mail this morning only to find that it was already expired. “You know, this is really frustrating,” said Eby. “I thought when […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Argos Celebrate Victory with Reception in Mennonite Church Basement

November 21, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The Grey Cup-winning Toronto Argonauts gathered at the South Toronto Mennonite Church basement this afternoon for a lovely celebration that included a delightful array of buns with jam and several fans. “Thanks, everyone, […]

Unger Suspicion

Saskatchewan Farmer Rents Out His Barn as Grey Cup Accommodations

November 19, 2022 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK With hotels booked up as far away as Medicine Hat and Brandon, resourceful Mennonite farmers across Saskatchewan are ready to cash in on the Grey Cup accommodation shortage. One such entrepreneur is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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