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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Rejoice as NHL Finally Bans Military Appreciation Jerseys

June 24, 2023 Andrew

GERMANTOWN, PA “I used to be a big NHL fan until they were putting all this military stuff in my face,” says Mr. Shenk of Germantown. “If you’re into that, fine, but I don’t need […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Flock to Nickelback Concert to Collect their 5 Cents

June 23, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB When word got out that Nickelback was in town, thousands of Mennonites flocked to the arena in Winnipeg this week to collect their refund. “I heard this is the place to get my […]

Unger Suspicion

Electrician Busy Explaining to Concerned Mennonites what ‘AC/DC’ Really Means

June 17, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local retired electrician Timothy Reimer, 88, had quite the busy evening as AC/DC cover band Hell’s Bells took the stage at Steinbach’s Summer in the City festival. “All these concerned Mennonites were standing […]

Unger Suspicion

Angry Americans Protest Wildfire Smoke that’s “Illegally” Crossing into the US from Canada

June 16, 2023 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There was a massive demonstration in Manhattan this week as between five and seven people showed up to protest the wildfire smoke that’s been illegally crossing the border in the last couple […]

Unger Conviction

Joel Osteen Fans are Literally Wearing Adult Diapers so they Don’t Miss a Second of His Three-Hour Sermons

June 4, 2023 Andrew

HOUSTON, TX Hardcore Osteen-devotees have taken to Instagram to share a tried-and-true solution to make sure they don’t miss even a second of the service at Lakewood Church. Their solution? Adult diapers. “I may get […]

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