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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

CBC Bans Popular Plautdietsch Christmas Song ‘Frü, Daut es Kold Büte!’

December 12, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Executives at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation have decided to ban the popular Plautdietsch holiday tune ‘Frü, Daut es Kold Büte’, after thousands of Canadians complained they didn’t know what the heck the words […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Excited for New Tolkien Prequel

December 11, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Mennonite geeks across North America have been filled with anticipation over the recently announced prequel to Tolkien’s Middle-earth series. Peter Jackson released teaser trailers this week for the new movie, tentatively titled The […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Pastor ‘Fuming Mad’ He Wasn’t Invited to ‘First Ministers Meeting’

December 10, 2018 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC A pastor of a small town Mennonite church was absolutely furious this week after he found out he did not get in invite to the First Ministers meeting in Montreal. “What, so the […]

Unger Suspicion

Court Rules 69-Year-Old Dutch Man is Actually a ‘Whiny Little Toddler’

December 4, 2018 Andrew

ARNHEM, NETHERLANDS A Dutch court has ruled today that local senior Milan Ratelbrand, 69, is actually legally “one-and-half years old, or two at best.” Ratelbrand had sued the government to have his age lowered by […]

Unger Suspicion

Elderly Mennonite Woman is Lone Surviving Member of ‘Sutera Twins Fan Club’

December 3, 2018 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local woman, Mrs. Loewen, has been a self-described “huge fan” of evangelist brothers The Sutera Twins ever since they held meetings in the Steinbach Tabernacle many decades ago. “Oba, yo, I drove in […]

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