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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Sad Lonely Canadian Man Still Watching Hockey for Some Reason

May 1, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Darrel Schmidt, 41, of Toronto is still “really into” the NHL playoffs despite the fact that any real reason to follow hockey ended sometime last week. “After the Maple Leafs are out and […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite College Student Faints with Excitement at Hauerwas Lecture

April 29, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Thousands of die hard Stanley Hauerwas fans packed BC Place Stadium this week to hear the famed theologian give an hour long public lecture. The crowd was so excited to see the Resident Aliens-author […]

Unger Suspicion

Marie Kondo Inspires Huge Surge of Donations to Local Thrift Store

April 26, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The popularity of tidying guru Marie Kondo has meant a huge surge in donations to thrift stores across Mennonite country. “Do these margarine containers spark joy?” wondered Mrs. Friesen. “Meh, not really. To […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Jets Players Required to Sleep with Plastic Sheets on their Beds

April 12, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After yet another horrid performance tonight, the mothers of all the Winnipeg Jets players have required their sons to sleep with plastic sheets on their beds from now on. “I know they’re grown […]

Unger Suspicion

Water Softener Salt Sits at Door for Months

April 8, 2019 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Three bags of water softening salt have been sitting at the front door of the Unrau residence in Mitchell for the past three months. The bags were supposed to have been brought downstairs […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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