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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Dustin Byfuglien Retires from NHL to Work on Mennonite Farm

October 25, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mysteriously absent from the Winnipeg Jets lineup so far this season, rumours have surfaced that Dustin Byfuglien is contemplating retirement to pursue his lifelong dream of working for minimum wage on a Mennonite […]

Unger Suspicion

School Children in Waterloo, Ontario Required to Sing ABBA Song Every Morning

October 22, 2019 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Starting this fall, hundreds of students in Waterloo, Ontario have been singing a new anthem each morning at 9 o’clock. “First we take attendance and do the announcements, then the kids stand up […]

Unger Suspicion

A Canadian Election Post that is Certain to Please Absolutely Everyone

October 20, 2019 Andrew

So, you’re having trouble figuring out who to vote for, eh? Well, here at the Daily Bonnet we’ve created this helpful tool to get things sorted out for you. If you click on the party […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Paper Candidate Asking for Your Vote on Monday

October 20, 2019 Andrew

KLEINESCHANTZENBERG, SK After a vigorous campaign that involved getting a name on a ballot and laying about on a desk for the next six weeks, the local Paper candidate is hoping for your vote on […]

Unger Suspicion

Kevin Costner to Star in Epic $300 Million Film About Mennonites

October 19, 2019 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA In an effort to revive his stalling career, 90s Hollywood icon Kevin Costner has invested more than $300 million of his own money in a “totally epic” film about the Mennonites entitled Field of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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