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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Thrills Wife with Fleeting Half-Assed Massage

May 16, 2021 Andrew

YARROW, BC Tim Driedger, 43, of Yarrow showed his appreciation for his lovely wife Susan this afternoon with a brief shoulder rub, while on his way to the couch. “Happy Birthday,” said Tim, giving Susan’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fully Vaccinated Mennonites Can Remove their Bonnets in Public

May 14, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In a press conference at the White House today President Joe Biden announced that starting next week fully-vaccinated Mennonites will be allowed to remove their bonnets in all public places. “And the men […]

The Daily Bonnet

Fact Check: Are you more likely to die from Dutch Blitz than a shark attack?

May 11, 2021 Andrew

Time for another instalment of the Daily Bonnet Fact Check, where we scour the Internet to confirm or deny commonly held beliefs about Mennonites. So, today we’re going to tackle a big one: Is it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Scores Massive Haul of Northern Reflections Wolf Sweaters at MCC Store

May 8, 2021 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Eleanor Pankratz, 71, of Altona brought home the world’s largest collection of Northern Reflections wolf sweaters from her local MCC Store this week. “I’m beyond ecstatic,” said Pankratz, modelling a howling wolf sweatshirt […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Refunded Tuition After Graduating Bible School Single

May 7, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Samantha Peters, 22, was the lone unmarried graduate at Vankla Bible Institute this spring and, thus, was refunded her full tuition including the cost of textbooks. “Ugh, well, I guess I just wasted […]

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