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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Shocks Relatives by Shooting with Middle Finger

November 3, 2021 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Mr. Dueck had all the frintschoft in a tizzy this past week after he sunk twenty after twenty with his middle finger. “I always knips better with the middle one,” said Mr. Dueck. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top 10 Most Inappropriate Mennonite Couples

November 1, 2021 Andrew

Although I much preferred David Letterman, the one segment I watched on Jay Leno’s show was when he read funny headlines from real newspapers. Often they were humorous marriage pairings. I came very close on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chaos in Steinbach as No One Knows if Halloween is Tonight or Not

October 30, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of confused Steinbachers took to the streets tonight apparently under the impression that maybe, just maybe, Halloween might be on Saturday this year… or on Sunday like the calendar says, but who […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Don’t Put All Your Abes in One Basket”: 10 Mennonite Idioms

October 28, 2021 Andrew

Since the publication of Poor Obrum’s Almanack by Benjamin Friesen in 1732, these Abe-related idioms have become part of Mennonite discourse. They’re recited to children before bed and frequently overheard in conversation at MJ’s. Be warned, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Dick Hospitalized After Searching for Images of Relatives Online

October 22, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Oma Dick just received something called an iPad from her grandchildren and was told she could search for absolutely anything on it. Naturally, the first thing the 92-year-old Mennonite grandma did was search […]

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