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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Manage to Have 20 Children in 15 Years

December 3, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON No, you’re not misreading the headline. Thanks to some meticulous family planning the Schellenbergs of Leamington have just welcomed their 20th child in the last 15 years. “We did the math,” said Richard […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Practices Walking on Eggshells for Upcoming Family Gatherings

December 1, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Lois Redekop, 51, has been spending a couple hours each day in recent weeks walking on eggshells in anticipation of a whole bunch of really awkward family gatherings coming up later this month. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jantsied Man in Denial that He’s from Jantsied

November 30, 2021 Andrew

JANTSIED, MB Despite all the evidence to the contrary, Mr. Friesen of jantsied is utterly convinced that he’s from ditsied. “I don’t know what’s wrong with that man,” said Mr. Wiebe standing firmly in ditsied. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Newlyweds Already Planning their Upcoming Baby Shower

November 29, 2021 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN No sooner had the wedding thank you cards been mailed out than newlyweds Eleanor and Dan Bauman were inviting their friends over to celebrate the birth of the newborn child Peter. “Dan and […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Oma Krahn’ Variant Spreads Like Wildfire in Mennonite Country

November 26, 2021 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB It seems a new variant has been tailor-made to spread like wildfire in Mennonite communities. Scientists have just discovered the Oma Krahn strain, which first appeared at a soup and pie fundraiser […]

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