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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Having Real Difficulty Solving this Maze

October 18, 2021 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Local man Peter Hildebrandt, 61, was one of, like, fifteen Ontarians who managed to successfully obtain their QR codes today, but spent the better part of the afternoon trying to solve the darn […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen from Reimer Avenue to Visit Reimer from Friesen Avenue

October 15, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mr. Friesen of Reimer Avenue had a splendid evening chatting about politics and kids these days with Mr. Reimer of Friesen Avenue. “Last week I had Mr. Brandt of Loewen Blvd. and Mr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Spectacular Northern Mennonites Light Up the Night Sky

October 14, 2021 Andrew

SELKIRK, MB Thousands of people across North America set up their cameras last night to witness a specular show by the Northern Mennonites. “We had Menno Simons. Dirk Willems. Even Miriam Toews made an appearance,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Uncle Barred from Thanksgiving Gathering after Forgetting His ID and Vax Card

October 10, 2021 Andrew

ROSENHIMMEL, SK Oncle Thomas was turned away at the biannual Peters Thanksgiving gathering in Rosenhimmel this week after he conveniently “forgot” his proof of vaccination. “Oba, I think I left it at home somewhere,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Fitness Program Encourages Mennonites to Literally LMAO

October 9, 2021 Andrew

PLUM COULEE, MB A new fitness centre in Plum Coulee is offering Mennonites in the surrounding area the opportunity to literally laugh their asses off. The new weight-loss program brings in old Mennonite men who […]

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