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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Legend’s Entire Music Catalogue Sold to Werner Music

January 3, 2022 Andrew

AKRON, PA Another day and yet another Mennonite music icon has sold their entire music catalogue to media giant Werner Music. Today, Plautdietsch hymn singer and master of the autoharp, Heinrich Berg, sold his publishing […]

The Daily Bonnet

Opa Krahn is Patiently Waiting in the Wings

January 2, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Opa Krahn has been patiently sitting in the Krahn living room for the past few weeks, just waiting for the opportunity to come into the kitchen and surprise everyone with his presence. “Mother’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top Ten Daily Bonnet Articles of 2021

December 31, 2021 Andrew

2021, a year most of us would much rather forget. Alright, I’m with you there, but just in case you do want to remember a few moments, here’s the year that was – according to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Metaverse Allows Mennonites to Finally Experience Real Life

December 28, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Researchers at Fresno Pacific University have created a new metaverse for Mennonites, which forces participants to escape their cloistered Mennonite existence and face reality. “For centuries Mennonites have done everything in their power […]

The Daily Bonnet

Gathering Cancelled: Friesens Told to Go Home and Stay There

December 27, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK More than 250,000 Friesens were scheduled to attend the extended family gathering in Saskatoon this weekend, before the whole thing was called off at the last minute under Oma’s orders. “It was going […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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