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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Debit Machine Tip Options Strike Terror Into Mennonite Man

July 10, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Goertzen enjoyed his lovely meal of schnitzel at Ralph’s German Restaurant this afternoon, but was paralyzed with fear when the debit machine came to the table and he was presented with various […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Spends Two Hours Selecting Least Awkward Urinal

July 6, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona man Pat Rempel, 47, spent more than two hours selecting the proper urinal position during a trip to a Winnipeg shopping mall this week. “Okay, okay, Pat, you can do this,” he […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Creates World’s Longest Mexican Chain

July 4, 2022 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Pankratz of Blumenort, Manitoba is set to enter the Guinness Book of World Records this week after creating a Mexican Chain that stretched through her front yard, straight down Penner Avenue, and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Moves to Canada Just to Get World’s Most Expensive Internet

July 3, 2022 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Guillermo Toews of Chihuahua moved all the way to northern Alberta this week just so he could have more reliable access to the world’s most expensive internet. “I love being taking advantage […]

The Daily Bonnet

NHL Teams Clamour to Sign Any Toews They Can

July 2, 2022 Andrew

DENVER, CO After the Stanley Cup successes of Jonathan Toews and Devon Toews (no relation), NHL squads are now looking to sign any and every Toews they can get their hands on. “Get a Toews […]

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