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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Can’t Decide Between Shitty Old Truck and Obnoxious Honda Civic

June 16, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Peter Wiens, 19, is in the market for a new ride and has narrowed down the selection to a rusty old Ford truck or a Honda Civic with a stupid spoiler […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ferrari Bans Mennonite Man from Buying Any More Cars

June 15, 2022 Andrew

MARANELLO, IT Prestigious Italian automaker Ferrari has banned Kjnels Wiebe of Taber, Alberta from buying any more cars after he “totally wrecked the aesthetic of the whole thing.” “You should see the spoiler he put […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mr. Penner Can’t Believe He’s Now in Charge of Walmart

June 13, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After “reading somewheres” about his “frintschoft Greg Penner who’s in charge of all the Valmarts,” Mr. Penner of Vankla decided his familial connection earned him a few privileges. “Time for some changes around here […]

The Daily Bonnet

Niverville to Honour Patron Saint David Bergen

June 9, 2022 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB After winning a record fifth McNally Robinson Book of the Year award, renowned author David Bergen has been canonized as a saint by the town of Niverville. He will also be the first […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Excommunicated for Living in Temperate Climate

June 2, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Pete Unger and the rest of his family has been sentenced to ten years shovelling the church parking lot after it was discovered they spent the entire winter in Phoenix, Arizona […]

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