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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Barely Recognizes Cousin He Hasn’t Seen Since Before the Pandemic

August 8, 2022 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB After not having seen his closest cousin in more than two years, local man Bob Peters walked right past cousin Tim in the knackzoat aisle at the Walmart this past week. “Oba […]

The Daily Bonnet

Costumed Museum Volunteer Mistaken for “Real Authentic Mennonite”

July 31, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB More than a thousand eager photographers from the city stopped to get a snapshot of museum volunteer Erin Bergmann this afternoon, figuring they had got themselves a photo of a “real authentic Mennonite.” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbacher Surpasses 10,000 Career Kjnipsing Yards

July 26, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Argos running back Andrew Harris was not the only Steinbacher to set a record this week. 92-year-old Herman W. Klippenstein became the first kjnipser to kjnips more than 10,000 career yards after defeating Robert […]

The Daily Bonnet

Harry and Anita Dyck Celebrate 50th Wedding Anniversary

July 25, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB More than 100 Dycks gathered at the Altona Bergthaler Chortitzer MB Brethren Church this weekend to eat vereniki and celebrate the golden wedding anniversary of Harry and Anita Dyck. “I’m so glad you’ve […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Amasses World’s Largest Collection of Plastic Bags

July 19, 2022 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Area woman Doris Froese has been collecting plastic bags from the grocery store since they were first introduced in the mid-1980s. “And I’ve never thrown out a single one,” said Froese. “They’re super […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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