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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Gen Z Adopts Mennonite Tradition of Covering their Ankles

June 2, 2024 Andrew

MARTENSVILLE, SK 23-year-old Gen Z influencer Evelen Sawatzky of Martensville has a message for Millenials out there – “cover your ankles!” “If you want to look old and out-of-fashion, then keep on wearing those ankle […]

The Daily Bonnet

Trad Wife Discovered at Mennonite Museum

June 1, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of Winnipegers have flocked to Steinbach this spring to get a glimpse of the latest Internet trend – the trad wife. The highest concentration of these trad wives seems to be at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Man Racks Up $5 Million in Roaming Charges After Venturing into Morden

May 31, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Dave Sawatzky was shocked when he received his phone bill this month, which tallied up to a whopping $5.2 million, all due to a quick afternoon trip to Morden. “I thought […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Hired to Transform All Loblaws Locations into Thrift Stores

May 29, 2024 Andrew

ST. JACOBS,ON Loblaws CEO Galen Weston announced in a press conference this afternoon that the company would be hiring several Mennonites, world renowned for their thrift, to help bring down prices at their stores. “Your […]

The Daily Bonnet

Shutdown of Pipeline Affects Delivery of Schmaunt Fat Between Gretna and Winnipeg

May 28, 2024 Andrew

GRETNA, MB For the past three months, Winnipegers have been starved for lack of schmaunt fat due to a pipeline shutdown with the supply centre in Gretna. “We’ve got the students at MCI working around […]

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