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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

New Regulations Force Female Crokinole Players to Wear Short Skirts

May 4, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON In an effort to draw viewers away from tennis, the International Crokinole Federation (ICF) has recently announced that it will now be requiring all ladies knipsbrat players to wear skirts “above the knee.” “If professional […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Country Artist Scores Big Hit With ‘Save A Horse (Ride a Mennonite)’

May 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local country artist Big Garth Doerksen has landed at the top of Billboard’s country charts this week with his new bro-country anthem ‘Save a Horse (Ride a Mennonite).’ It’s the first time a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Bottomless Pepsi Promotion Bankrupts Local Restaurant

May 1, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB One of Steinbach’s great and storied restaurants Joe’s Diner was once an instituton on Main Street, serving three generations of customers with its signature hamburgers and soda pop. It was always believed that […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Woman Introduces New ‘Extra Sour’ Funeral Pickles

April 30, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Susanna Koop has recently hauled out a batch of ‘extra sour’ pickles from her cellar that she feels will go over well at local funerals this spring. “Springtime funeral-goers in Mennonite […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Man Finally Earns Enough Airmiles to Visit Winkler

April 25, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After more than twenty years of collecting, Steinbach man Doug Ens has finally earned enough Airmiles to visit his Winkler relatives. “He kept telling us he didn’t have enough Airmiles to visit us,” said Doug’s […]

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