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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

One-‘N’-Bergmans to Battle Two-‘N’-Bergmanns This Sunday Afternoon at Altona Park

June 4, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Bergman(n)s across Southern Manitoba will duke it out this Sunday at Altona Memorial Park. The competition, which consists mostly of feats of strength and Plautdietsch spelling, will decide once and for all how […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited for Latest Instalment in the ‘Harder Boys’ Series

June 3, 2018 Andrew

BLUE CREEK COLONY, BELIZE Mennonites are lining up outside bookstores throughout Belize in anticipation of the new Harder Boys adventure. The books, now numbering several hundred, features wholesome brothers Johnny and Abram Harder who solve […]

The Daily Bonnet

Politically Correct Glossary of Mennonite Terminology

June 2, 2018 Andrew

In the 21st century, even Mennonites need to change. And sometimes that means changing our terminology for various things. In an effort to use more sensitive language and avoid offence, the Daily Bonnet has created […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quilt Cartel Jacks Up Prices at Mennonite Relief Sale

May 27, 2018 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON According to sources, a group of Mennonite ladies from southern Ontario have banded together to control the supply of quilts into the region. The cartel, known as the Ontario Producers of Elaborate […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Checks His Privilege Only to Have It Lost By American Airlines

May 20, 2018 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA After attending a public lecture on intersectionality and white privilege at Eastern Mennonite University this past week, local man Peter Schrock decided to put what he learned in action and check his privilege […]

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