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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

‘State of Emergency’ Declared at Steinbach Garage Sale Riot

May 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Prime Minister Trudeau has followed in his father’s footsteps and invoked the War Measures Act to deal with the increasing hostility during garage sales in the small Mennonite town of Steinbach, Manitoba. In […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ten Thousand Villages Celebrates Ten Thousand Years of Service

May 12, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA Founded by the Mennonite Central Committee in approximately 8,000 BC, this year Ten Thousand Villages stores are celebrating 10,000 years of selling fair trade products. “I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure we’re […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Charged With Adding an ‘S’ to the End of Every Word

May 9, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Longtime Steinbach resident Peter Fehr, 76, has been arrested and charged with excessive ‘S’ usage after undercover police overhead him referring to the neighbouring town of Ste-Anne, Manitoba as ‘Ste-Annes’ on numerous occasions. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Why that Mennonite Boy is Not Texting You Back

May 9, 2018 Andrew

The worst thing about dating these days is when your crush takes, like, totally forever to text you back or doesn’t text back at all! Well I’ve texted with many Mennonite boys, so I know […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Union Demands 80 Hour Work Week

May 1, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Mennonite Workers Local 606 walked off the job this past Friday, demanding that the work week be increased to 80 hours from the regular 40. The striking workers paraded around various Mennonite churches […]

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