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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Scores Historic Victory on ‘Jeopardy!’

June 5, 2019 Andrew

CULVER CITY, CA Mrs. Lina Dueck, 31, outwitted Abe Hiebert this past week, ending Abe’s reign of more than 30 games to become the new Jeopardy! champion. “He made a risky gamble on that hog […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Accidentally Speaks Plautdietsch Outside the Barn

June 3, 2019 Andrew

GRUENFELD, MB Mr. Johan Pauls was rapt in conversation with his shekbenjel Charlie Wiens when they absent-mindedly wandered outside the hog barn and were heard speaking Plautdietsch all over the yard. Gruenfeld Police were immediately […]

The Daily Bonnet

M.P. Reads Daily Bonnet Headlines in House of Commons

May 31, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Okay, like, for real. On May 28, Hon. Candice Bergen, Member of Parliament for Portage-Lisgar, spoke in support of a motion to establish a Mennonite Heritage Week. During her speech, she discussed various […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Awarded Top Prize in Annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival

May 30, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Competition has been fierce this spring, but Mrs. Epp of Steinbach has come out on top at the annual Southern Manitoba Flower Festival. “I heard there were about 1.3 million competitors this year,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Sells His Toronto Raptors Seat to Buy $400,000 Combine

May 28, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It was an offer he couldn’t refuse. When Mr. Wiens was offered almost half a million dollars for his court-side seat to Thursday’s game one of the NBA Finals in Toronto, it was […]

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