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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Walks Around in ‘Thongs’ All Summer

June 27, 2019 Andrew

GRAND BEACH, MB Mr. Wiens, 58, of Vankla has been spending a lot of time at Grand Beach this year wearing little more than a thong. “Going to the beach, honey,” said Mr. Wiens. “Anyone […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Winkler Humility’ March Offers Stark Contrast to ‘Morden Pride’

June 24, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Days after Morden’s first ever Pride march, a confused, yet earnest, Mennonite man from Winkler decided to hold a march of his own. “Jauma, those Mordeners, always so proud and smiling and having […]

The Daily Bonnet

New York Girl Longs for a Life in Steinbach

June 18, 2019 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY 16-year-old Nicole, who has lived her entire life in the bustling heart of East Village in Manhattan, recently heard about this small town called Steinbach, which immediately spurred her imagination. “Sometimes I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Man Insists on Placing Lawn Chair in Front Yard

June 17, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Jakob Kornelsen, 43, thought it was a fabulously grand idea to put his brand new cheap ass lawn chair in the front yard where he could watch the neighbours. “I knack […]

The Daily Bonnet

Choking Mennonite Man Saved by the Heinrichs Maneuver

June 15, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Local man, Mr. Wiebe fe’schuckled himself on a watermelon seed at the church picnic this weekend, but thanks to some quick thinking by one of the Heinrichs boys, he was saved. “I […]

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