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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

City of Abbotsford to be Renamed “Basically Vancouver”

July 22, 2019 Andrew

BASICALLY VANCOUVER, BC In a radical rebranding effort meant to accurately reflect the perceptions of outsiders, the city of Abbotsford, BC, recently passed a motion to rename the community Basically Vancouver. “We also considered More-or-Less […]

The Daily Bonnet

Police Vow to Put a Stop to Mennonite Crack Problem

July 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Citizens of the Manitoba capital have been deeply distressed by the ever-increasing crack problem within the city’s Mennonite population this summer. The problem came to a head this week after a huge quantity […]

The Daily Bonnet

New FaceApp Just Makes Everyone Look Like a Mennonite

July 18, 2019 Andrew

ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA A popular new social media app called FaceApp allows people to add wrinkles, grey hair, and a long beard to see what they’ll look like decades into the future. “Basically they’re turning […]

The Daily Bonnet

Long Lost Cousin Goes Up During Freiwilliges and Ruins the Whole Thing

July 17, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB When Grandma Enns passed away this week dozens of long lost cousins made an appearance at the Winkler MBEMC church. One such person was Peter Enns, 41, who hadn’t been seen in years […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Accidentally Displays Sexy Lingerie on Clothesline

July 10, 2019 Andrew

ST. JACOB’S, ON Mrs. Martin has sent shockwaves throughout Woolwich Township this past week after a lace teddy that she purchased in Kitchener appeared on her clothesline. “I nearly crashed my buggy when we went […]

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