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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

CBS Airs New Show ‘The Amazing Race: Quarantine Edition’

April 22, 2020 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN With borders shut and flights grounded across the globe, CBS has cobbled together a new show called ‘Amazing Race: Quarantine Edition’ which features the Epp family of Mountain Lake, Minnesota and is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Wonder Oil Prices Close in the Negative for First Time in History

April 21, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB When the bell rang to end trading at the Winker Wonder Oil Exchange on Monday afternoon, Mrs. Schellenberg and the others stood in disbelief. “I was in shock! Minus thirty-eight dollars for a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mr. Enns Accuses Mr. Ens of ‘Sheer Laziness’

April 20, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mr. Enns has accused Mr. Ens of the greatest crime a Mennonite can commit: laziness. Evidence of this ‘sheer laziness’ is the fact that Mr. Ens decides to spell his name with only […]

The Daily Bonnet

Englisher So Hairy He’s Mistaken for a Mennonite

April 17, 2020 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE After not visiting a barber for more than two months, local graphic designer, Dylan Johnson, 23, of Henderson, Nebraska is being mistaken for a Mennonite everywhere he goes. “Oba yo, I’m glad to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wears His Wife’s Düak A Bit Too Low

April 14, 2020 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local man Earl Fehr, 48, was sorting through the laundry the other day and found himself the perfect item to protect himself during his visits to the grocery store to buy toilet paper […]

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